can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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