his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I currently don't understand fingers.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
