It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
