I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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