Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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