You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
