I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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