yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
