Cold hands, warm shart.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
