A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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