I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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