sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
