i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
