walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
What a dumb baby whore.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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