Don't make out with my wife yet
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
