take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
