East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I look better un-naked...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
