dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
