The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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