i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
