Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
