I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I am available for nakedness
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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