i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
