Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
