just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
