You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
