dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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