My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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