New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
