don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
