we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Randomize
