you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
