how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
