Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
