I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
