i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
