a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
