If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
