Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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