If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
