I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We are two peas in an std pod
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
