so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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