You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
