it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
