She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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