but the lizard people decide everything anyway
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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