My pussy is not your playground.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
