we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
