I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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