I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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