Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
