we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
