Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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