Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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